A Unique New Year's Journey Inside

I’ve never been a big fan of traditional New Year’s.  It’s not that I haven’t tried.  I’ve gone big like the year I hung out with millions of others at Time’s Square.  That falls into the “you should do once before you’re 25” bucket.  I’ve done exotic, Honolulu ocean front balcony view.  Pretty cool.  I’d do that again.  I’ve done quiet, just Christian and me in a lonely Ocean City hotel room, room service – my favorite. I’ve done traditional, spent big dollars on a so/so meal at a glitzy establishment downtown.  Overdone.  I’ve done cultural, Venezuelan house party at our house.  I'm not sure I can hang like that...

This year as I ring in 2017, my 40^th turn around the sun I decided to go inward and am at the Monroe Institute for a New Year program. 

Nicknamed “Soul Spa”, or “Consciousness Camp”, it’s a unique place on a regular day, let alone over the New Year’s holiday.  It’s situated in the Virginia Mountains about 45 minutes west of Charlottesville.  Three buildings on a decent spot of land seemingly untouched by time since the 1980s, it was founded by Bob Monroe who was a radio broadcasting executive who became known for his research into altered consciousness. He invented a technology called Hemi-Sync which is designed to balance the right and left hemispheres of the brain.  The work at the Monroe Institute is still very true to its founder though it’s expanded quite a bit since then.  They are doing some pretty cutting edge work and recently brought in a new head of research from the University of Virginia.  You should check it out.  www.monroeinstitute.org

You get the point, it’s not a traditional New Year’s holiday experience.  This is a journey inside.  For approximately 14 hours a day we work through a variety of activities that focus us inward with the help of the Hemi-Sync piped in through headphones in our private pods.  We learn a concept, head to the pod for an hour, come back and debrief, and do it again.  Multiple times per day. 

This weekend at Monroe is part of an overall personal development curriculum I have established to take time to look inside and build the foundation of inner strength and clarity throughout the year.  3-4 times a year I take a couple days and either attend a program of some kind or just get away by myself for reflection and relaxation.  The time is built into my calendar one year in advance.  I also have a routine of acupuncture, massage, frequent workouts, and meditation to keep me on point throughout the year.  

Should you embark on a similar journey I don’t know what it would do for you, though I can tell you what it has done for me.  I can say I’m generally calmer in the face of serious challenge.  I’m a better listener than I was.  I’m much more intuitive.  And listen to it.  I’ve prioritized my body and am in close touch with how I feel.  I sleep better.  I’m more confident and comfortable in who I am.  I have a better sense of my boundaries, which means I can push them more effectively without going overboard.  I’m more empathetic.  I’m (slightly) more patient.  I’m more aware of how what I do affects others around me.  And I’m much better at bringing forth what I want in my life and in my business.  Generally, I'm a better version of myself which as it turns out has made me a better husband, friend, family member and business leader.

No champagne or parties for me this weekend.  No watching Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin.  No loud music and boisterous conversation.  Nope.  Not this year.  Instead I will be reflecting with tremendous appreciation for all the growth I’ve had in 2016 and for all the people who have contributed to my life and business in many ways, large and small.  And I will be setting my intentions for 2017.  Here are a few. 

 I intend a significant expansion in our business platform with the addition of several more compelling and talented leaders.

 I intend a significant increase in financial abundance for myself and those around me contributing to the great work we do at our organizations.

 I intend measureable impact in the lives of those we serve. 

 I intend 2017 to be a very healthy year with a drop and hold to 18% body fat max.

 I intend for those around me to set and meet their health and fitness goals.

 I intend on 3 great trips to international destinations.

 I intend our new family members who have just come to the US integrate successfully and begin to feel like the US is their home.

 I intend on producing a concert in January 2018.

 I intend on setting a clearer vision for the progression of my business and life beyond 2020.

 I intend on casting and communicating a clear vision in 2017 and holding that vision steady as both opportunities and challenges present themselves.

I wish you all a very Happy New Year

Let's Begin

2017 is my 40^th year, in this body, on this journey.  It’s a big deal.  Right? 

Quite frankly I can’t decide how I feel about it.  It seems I should be in the mood to celebrate.  Or perhaps I should be depressed. Queue the mid-life crisis? 

While I feel indifferent about it I also realize deep down somewhere it is a milestone worth acknowledging.  I’ve given some considerable thought about how to tip my hat to the first 40 years of my journey and have decided to launch a personal blog to document my 40^th year.  This is that blog.

I wasn’t expecting what would come up for me when I started thinking about doing this.  Suddenly I was concerned, would anyone read it?  Why did I care so much if they did?  What was the reason behind the blog?  Did I need a reason at all?  

Ultimately I figured I was over thinking it and just needed to put something together and make it mostly a cathartic exercise for myself.   Though I needed a perspective to write from or I was worried it might end up being a jumbled bunch of entries.  I do like some structure in my life and so I couldn’t help myself.  My plan is to write from three different perspectives.  One perspective will be a theme or story from my past.  The other will be observations in the present along this journey in 2017.  And the third will be Q and A with myself about the future.  Me at 40 asking the older wiser me of the future questions.

Stay with me for a second on the last one.  I believe in a deep-seated wisdom within us to answer our own questions.  The challenge is accessing it often when we need it the most during a busy day, a crisis event, a stressful situation, a difficult decision. We must be purposeful about building the muscle to access it.  This requires stillness during chaos, peace in the middle of crisis, hope in the face of difficulty, and so forth.  So this year I’m going to practice building access to my own inner guidance.

Who knows what 2017 has in store for me.  I am however sure there will be big challenges to face, huge opportunities to realize, and about everything else in between.  I do my best to live big and bold and push the envelope and I will do my best here to be transparent and authentic in that journey.  I know I can sometimes be “managed” in my vulnerability.  This is a professional skill I’ve learned, though it also keeps me at a distance from people.  I’m going to work on lessening that outer layer this year in this format.  I’m giving myself permission to be more raw and vulnerable.  Frankly even saying this makes me uncomfortable.   I guess that’s the point, right?

For those who wish to know more about me, continue reading….

I figured I should include a narrative of who I am and how I got here for those who don’t know me and somehow find their way to this blog. 

The current state of affairs here at the close of 2016 is I live in Washington, DC with my husband Christian.  We met in 2004.  I hired him.  That’s a fun story perhaps I’ll have a chance to weave in at some point.  We live in what I would consider a very nice house in NW Washington DC.  We’ve been there for 3 years.  It’s not our dream house, though it is our dream yard complete with a pool and outdoor fireplace.  We have no kids though we do have a cranky 16yr old cat, Ricki Green. 

Most of my days are spent growing and running Keller Williams Capital Properties, a network of 7 real estate offices in the DC Metro Area.  I co-founded the organization with my business partner Bo Menkiti back in 2006.  I have my hands in a bunch of other things including development projects throughout DC and Maryland through the Menkiti Group, real estate sales through MG Residential, mortgage, title, insurance, home staging (Christian’s business), and a bed and breakfast in Maryland.  That’s the bulk of it.  I’ve been in the real estate business since 2001. 

I work a lot. When I’m not we are traveling to as many international destinations as possible, 2-4 per year.  In 2016 we visited Turkey, Greece, Spain, and Mexico.  I have a musical background and from time to time I break out on our Baldwin grand in the living room, or pull a vocal concert together for my friends and family.

Let’s see, what else should you know…  A few years ago, I started getting into meditation and practice it frequently.  I can honestly say I love my life.  The list of things working well is long, including my professional growth.  My relationship.  My family connection.  I’m working on and not satisfied with my financial growth, my physical goals, and my spiritual connection. 

I’m very skilled with people generally, and am a particularly good presenter and facilitator and growing in my success as a business man and leader.  When the spotlight is on me, about me it’s uncomfortable.  I’d rather talk about you. 

I like to be challenged and am surrounded by a lot of strong professional relationships.  I don’t have too many personal relationships that aren’t connected to my professional capacity.  I wish I did, and haven’t quite figured that out yet.

I was born in Rock Springs, Wyoming and lived there the first 12 years of my life.  I feel almost no connection to Rock Springs other than it being my birth place and I’m not sure that connection feels very strong either.  My extended family lives in SW Wyoming so I go back about once a year to visit and always feel incredibly out of place.  Probably about as out of place as they would feel in Washington DC.  This does not bother me, and I don’t feel any need to reconcile any of this. 

At 12 we moved to Ames Iowa so my Dad could pursue his PhD.  2 years later we were off to Oregon for a year, and then to Des Moines Iowa where I attended high school.  My perspective is informed in part by my connection to the culture and people of both Wyoming and Iowa.  Other important facts:  I grew up Mormon, my parents are good and generous people who raised me well, and I have 3 younger sisters.

I graduated high school in 1995 and immediately went on the road with Up With People, an international musical organization that uses music as a vehicle for cultural exchange.  I traveled abroad with that group for one year, came back to Iowa for a couple years and attended the Des Moines Area Community College.  I was very bored with academics and wanted to get going with my life and so I went back to Up With People for another year.  In 1999 I moved to Baltimore to be with a man.  This was shocking both because my first real relationship was with a man, AND he lived in Baltimore. 

I had intended to go back to school on the east coast but found myself in a sales job and did well.  By 2000 I had moved to Washington DC (sans boyfriend) and shortly thereafter found my way to real estate.

It wasn’t all a charmed life.  Coming out as a gay man in a Mormon household with family in Wyoming and Iowa was quite difficult.  I see now being different and not understanding it as a child and teenage affected me deeply.  For many years, I was being who I thought I was supposed to be, to please my parents and society.  I didn’t start to explore my own authentic self until well into my 20s. 

Then there was the time I was nearly driven into personal bankruptcy due to challenging business decisions around 2009.

There are other scars of personal betrayal, lost opportunities, deep hurts and some regrets.  An appropriate amount for 40 years in I suppose.

So there you go, a little about me.  Now on to the journey of being 40.  Let’s see what all the fuss is about.